Reading my wife’s Facebook from before we were together

Friday, 26 November 2021

Obligatory; this has been over the last 2 weeks. Recently my wife and I have had to list in a visa application previous relationships and why they broke down (I know, don’t ask). My wife has always been very guarded speaking about her previous relationships and I’ve gotten in trouble in the past for asking. So I have not gone there in a long time. This visa and its requirement for detail have however opened Pandora’s box. I in my usual stupidity had to press that button I was told not to press which resulted in an argument.

    For my wife, she sees past relationships as being exactly that; the past. They don’t need to be revisited and talk of them starts to remind her that someone else’s hands had been on her. (Her words, not mine). She claims it’s because she’s a Virgo and I have absolutely no idea what that means.

For me, I want to understand my partner's past for all the good and bad so that I can understand her to better I know what made her, her. Not knowing makes me feel like there’s a massive gap of knowledge about my wife. I do not have any suspicion that something horrible or scarring happened beyond the usual crap relationships that break down.

I agreed to leave it alone forever more and never to ask her again.

But the box had been opened. My natural, intense curiosity got the better of me.

I decided to reopen a Facebook page, I hadn’t had one for the whole time we have been together. It might be worth mentioning that we have been married 8.5 years now. There was overlap in both of our last relationships and us. When we were finally together she quickly got pregnant and we got married straight away. Have not regretted a day since btw.

    So with my new Facebook page, my wife was obliged to add me as a friend (mwhaha). With this newfound power, I was now able to read posts from the last 13 years.

This captured the last 2 relationships fairly well and I learned a lot. This is where the fuck up is though.

Reading your wife of 8.5 years’ posts flirting with or statements of love for another makes it feel like it was yesterday. I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. I know I’m an idiot but that feeling is there.

    Additionally, I learned more about the last ex where there had been some cross-over with me. With the limited knowledge I had gained over the years I had had always been led to believe he was an asshole. But I realized that was not the case. It seems they were practically engaged, talking about kids, etc. Another gut punch.

My question to Reddit is: on a scale of 0 to clinically insane. How bad am I? Does anyone align with my wife’s thoughts on past relationship sharing?

Obviously, I now can’t speak to her about all this. Even though I have a lot of questions about the last ex. I now feel insecure in myself for reasons I can’t explain. But the positive is that I did get to fill in some pieces of the puzzle and I do understand her better now. I also know I need to appreciate her more and show my love for her more clearly.

TL;DR: I read every post and comment on my wife’s Facebook and now I feel like crap.

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